Today… Weather like a dream. Gentle breeze breaking up the heat of hot sun, light blue sky streaked with wisps of clouds….
This is heaven to me.
Here I am, flawed, flawed, trying so hard, beauty surrounding me and grace coming and going like the breeze itself.
I sit with the realization that I am massively blessed, lacking nothing, needing nothing, but still wanting. Wanting pleasure, wanting certainty, security, reassurance, someone to take the reins and lead, someone to give myself to.
Only The Lord!
can hold my life with adequate tenderness, can point me in the right direction, can give meaning to an abyss, but it seems as though I am eternally waiting to greet him at the station… getting the time wrong… looking at the wrong timetable…waiting at the wrong station.
Even this longing brings on its own kind of contentment. I am not willing to settle for whatever comes along (and when I do, I am quickly corrected).
Here I am on this heavenly day, choosing to sigh and wish for what is already mine, already here.