Overdrive

Today was one of those days that showed me just how much my mind can go into overdrive over minor deviations from what I expected.

I set out to work, and by 9:10am I had acquired three tickets;

  1. Left brake light out
  2. Right brake light out
  3. Expired insurance card

(Don’t know when that happened/can’t believe I forgot to print the new card)

I rushed from one place to the next, all while having my mind go through every worst case scenario imaginable (how can both go out at once? maybe it’s an expensive electrical problem…maybe I can’t afford it…maybe I won’t be able to handle the consequences of this situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I went to the mechanic and asked him to give it a look. He changed the bulbs and I paid him $10. So far so good.

I printed the current insurance card.

I got through the work day; finished making the incense burner I was working on in pottery class.

Then I rushed through rush hour to get to the closest Police Precinct so I could hand in all these documents and have this business done and over with.

Not so fast.

It doesn’t work that way.

~You have to go to court. Court just closed. Court isn’t in this town, it’s in that town. Ugh, don’t you know this stuff, lady?~

I felt depleted and defeated.

I really needed a big glass of water.

*******

Now that I’ve gulped it down, and realize that I’ve amplified the stress level of this situation from a 2/10 to an 7.5/10, it’s easier to calm down and get back to the pressing issues.

There’s a girl who has to study for a hiking guide exam. There’s a girl that has to work on her plant based cooking course. There’s a girl that’s gotta eat some dinner.

THERE’S A WOMAN THAT’S GOT TO CHILL OUT.

 

h a ha ha h a h aa ha hah ha what a funny day it’s been.

 

 

Personal Victory!

There’s so much to say, and lots of distractions to keep me from going as deeply as I could. I’ll try and keep it simple, do things one at a time.

This morning I went on a run which provided me with a series of revelations. A shift has occurred.

I’ve never done much running. I thought it was boring, tiring, painful. Why would I subject myself to that?

Then, two weekends ago, I saw my dear friend run her first marathon and I got so inspired by watching all those people challenging themselves. There were half-marathoners and 5k runners there, too, and they were all pushing their personal limits.

Since then, I’ve had this idea that I’d like to run around the lake that is near my house. Some days I thought I can do it, easy peasy. Other days I thought I’ll never be able to do it.

Today I decided I’d try. I knew it was unreasonable to expect to run the whole way around without stopping, so I just told myself I would go and walk whenever I really felt I needed to.

I ran a little over a mile before I took a break to take off my sweater. I’m still learning how to dress for this whole thing. As soon as I started running again, it felt so much easier. That fist mile was a warm up.

Then the thoughts started. I kept going between doubting my ability to continue and realizing that it was entirely my choice. I ended up with a mantra: “I CAN, but will I?”
It helped me accept that I was physically capable, and put my mental resolve into the forefront. I asked myself if I would keep running if it meant I could save someone at the end of the road and in the same breath told myself that I was running with no worries. I was running because I chose to run, because I wanted to, because I was FREE.

What a feeling.

I ran about another mile before I took a walking break along the edge of the lake where I captured the gorgeous morning face of nature. Then I ran. Then I walked a moment. Then I ran to the edge of the park and walked the rest of the way home, allowing all the thoughts and excitement to settle.

photo-4

Today I learned that running is a very good metaphor for many things in life. There are too many tiny lightbulb moments to that happened while I was moving my feet one after the other. The biggest take away is that the mind and body function best when they work as one, with one common goal, with equal faith in one another. What “going out for a run” means to me now is proving to my mind that my body can do it, and giving my body the support of my mind. I am training cooperation between the two, learning to balance their roles, and allowing my spirit to guide me wherever it cares to go.

photo 5.PNG

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Yesterday I went pumpkin picking with my family. We had a nice, wholesome time. The weather was gorgeous, the pumpkins were lovely.

We stopped by a Polish restaurant  on our way home. The pickle soup was a winner. I have to make my own…as soon as I make some pickles. We got poppyseed cake at the deli and enjoyed it with some tea when we got home. My sister and I made plans to try our hand at making a whole bunch of traditional cakes together, while learning about the history of their origin and all that fun culinary stuff.

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As for Saturday, it was quite something.

I had dinner at “The View” restaurant which is on the 48th floor of the Marriot in Times Square. The whole floor spins 360 degrees in one hour. It’s quite stunning. I wasn’t expecting to be as enchanted as I was.

photo
Just after sunset

After that, it was time to see Cirque du Soleil’s Paramore, which ended up being another exciting experience I really wasn’t expecting to be so mesmerized by. The acrobats were amazing, the singers phenomenal. I got lost in time and space for two hours.

So I had fun on Saturday, courtesy of the generosity of a relative stranger. And as much fun as I had, it’s just not my scene. The city exhausts me. I’m grateful and lucky to have experienced what I did, but I woke up the next day feeling as though I had been beaten, and in a way I had been beaten…with excess and excitement. I do best with small doses of fancy things; I prefer my low-key life. I prefer spending a day in the mountains instead of day around 12 million people. At least I know for sure now that I’m not missing out on too much.

Anyway, now it’s time for another “work week.” I’ll try and make this grind-time as pleasant and positively productive as I can. I wish the same for you.

Godspeed.

Hesitation, after all

Good morning, life.

Alarm set for 6am. Ten minutes spent deliberating whether the person I was yesterday was right to set my alarm and sign up for a 7am yoga class. Maybe the me of today was privy to something (the benefits of more than 8 hours of sleep, perhaps?)

But now it’s 6:33am and I’m showered and sipping on green tea and about to head out the door into a rainy, rainy, dark day. And now that I’ve written that, I’m rather excited…

***************

I wrote that last Sunday, a day which turned out to be very FULL.

Here I am, 6 days later, and I haven’t written a single word mainly because I’ve been busy/tired/lazy. Sigh.

Leonard Cohen’s new album “You Want it Darker” has been streaming on NPR and it’s everything one could ask for. I’m listening to it for the third time in a row.

POTENT.

****************

This week has been full of novel experiences. It’s good. It’s necessary. No need to be afraid, just to grow, onward, forward, out and in.

Examples of personal wins that involved changing that way I do/think about things:

-Running 1.5 miles spontaneously as soon as I woke up on Thursday (and not hating it!)

-Going rollerskating with a friend even though I wanted to back out because I was sleepy (I got a second wind and had fun)

-Talking to two friends that came to my yoga class about the mysteries of the universe for an HOUR after we enjoyed a great yoga practice together.

-Texting a few friends even though I usually feel too tired and shy to reach out to people out of nowhere.

-About to head out on an adventure of sorts with someone I barely know.

Today is going to be another one of those days where my preconceptions will be challenged and hopefully shattered.

I will report on what happens tonight at some point tomorrow. Hopefully my thoughts are more coherent by then…

Anthropocene

(Looking to the stars I can barely see, seeing them looking back at me)

I think I’m ready to be free!

Do you even know what that means?

Nothing is asked of me, there is no past or future to heed, I am full and perfect and

I AM READY TO BE FREE.

Dinosaurs have come and gone,

catastrophes, plagues, wars, jealous gods,

and I’m here,

READY TO BE FREE.

I sing and dance with childish grace, heart to heart in warm embrace.

Yes, I know you know.

I AM FREE.

Objects in Motion

This weekend, I watched my dear friend run her first marathon.

Well, she didn’t run it. SHE FLEW.

I stood bundled in three sweaters, a pom-pom topped hat, and a yellow raincoat, holding back the fluids that wanted to seep out of my nose. It was worth it.

It was beautiful, she was beautiful, as were all the people who were there, runners and runner-lovers.

I’ve been derailed from all my routines (exercise, writing, meditation) as a result of this small bout of illness and mini-weekend-getaway.

but, Tomorrow is a new day, and even though this one really wore on me, really tested my resolve, I’ll get out of bed when my alarm rings.

[the label on my alarm says “Best day ever!!!!! Get excited, kid!” —groan!]